Yesterday was all about me and my father. Today is about Sophia and her father (me). Perhaps I will always be forever sorry to my daughter for not being able to give her a complete family. Before I had her, I was under the impression that I could raise a child on my own. Oh how naïve I was back then! If I knew then what I do now, I would definitely not even consider having a baby alone. There are 15 million single-parent households in the Philippines, so we are definitely not alone, but it still breaks my heart whenever my daughter tells me she misses her Daddy.
I used to tell her he was working, or he was in Davao and that he loves and misses her. Then one day my ex-fiancé said I should be more careful about what I tell Sophia. When I asked what he meant, he said my daughter might associate love with absence (like I said https://toabettersarahraisingsophia.wordpress.com/2021/06/20/the-one-with-fathers-day-part-1/ , the book was his). My main intention was to avoid her having less than positive emotions towards her father. But like almost always, my ex made a lot of sense and I heeded his advise. So since then, I just tell Sophia I honestly do not know where her father is. It is not like I changed my phone number and her father could not reach me, in fact I even asked him to keep in touch and call her sometimes.
I took my chance and rang him yesterday, and Sophia was so happy to get to talk to her Daddy again. He did explain why he could not see her and told her he missed her and loved her, too. One day, she will read my blog and hopefully she makes sense of her (I am sorry, Anak) far from ideal childhood. I know Mommy has messed up, and I will do all I can to make the most out of our situation and in the future, I will make sure to help you understand your early attachment and how it may have affected the way you view your relationships then. I say this without sugar-coating, sweetheart. Your father loves and cares for you. I am glad we called him and were the first ones to greet him “Happy Father’s Day”! Trivia: he changed your diapers more times than I did when you were a baby.
To be fair to my ex fiancé, he has also been a great father figure to my daughter. When he called, he would be on the phone for more than half of the time with her. When we were together, he would carry her on our way home when she falls asleep, or give her a piggy back ride when she got tired. He took her to her first movie, first trip to the beach, welcomed her in the airport on his knees with open arms and a big smile on his face the first time she went out of the Philippines for a holiday, and treated her like his own. When we broke up, I did not only lose a loving fiancé, but Sophia also lost the chance to have a wonderful stepfather.
I just wish you could have explained to Sophia somehow. You told me you will, but you never did. I tried to do my best to make her understand. She does not like you any less. Like with her father, I am trying to teach her (or more like learn with her) to focus on the things that make her happy, to remember and appreciate the good things about her past (this has its own drawback however, it makes it all the more difficult to let go). She was 4 years old when you first met her, she does and will remember. I know someday Sophia will look for her Tito and thank you for everything. Happy Father’s Day! Trivia: he did consider adopting you.
At a very young age of 6, my daughter’s heart was broken twice. I take responsibility for both. Now I am back to trying my best to be both a mother and a father to her. I am sorry, Anak. It will never be the same, I will never be able to take your father’s place, but be secure my love, like what Julia’s father said “I’ll always be here for you. I’m not going to leave you”.
To the two men who has helped me raise her, I am forever grateful.
To all the single mothers out there, our children will be fine. But out of curiosity, how do you deal with the father issue?
#ToABetterSarah #RaisingSophia #SophiaJulienneAt7 #Father’sDay2021 #FromZeroToHero