Would You Rather Be Engaged Or Single?

Before the pandemic, I did not bother with health supplements at all. I thought I did not need them and I saw it as just an additional expense (just like everything else actually). At the start of the lockdown however, I also got a bit paranoid, especially when I found out that pharmacies were running out of vitamins.

It was then that I remember my dear cousin is connected to a health and wellness company so I immediately called her. To make a long story short, I signed up, took and liked the products and invited friends into the business. At first my main goal was to get our supplements for free, which I did. When I saw the opportunity however, I did try to grow my team. It was just unfortunate how I cannot function (let alone work) well when my heart is broken into tiny little pieces.

I recall around this day last year when I went to the head office at The Enterprise Building and I met my cousin’s friend, Jera. And being the blabbermouth that I am (and the ring was very pretty and sparkly) I mentioned I was engaged and if not for the lockdown maybe I would have been married already.

Before I met my ex, a long term boyfriend was the last thing on my mind, and forget about getting married! Again, to cut a long story short, I got myself into a very serious and intense relationship the first day we met. Hey, what can I do, I fell in love at first sight! Oh, the rush and everything! If somebody told me 3 years ago I would promise someone that I would spend the rest of my life with him, till death parts us, I would have scoffed and laughed out loud! Of course the main reason why I did not want to commit was I did not want to give someone the power to crush me. Being in a relationship makes one vulnerable, getting naked in front of our beloved (and I am not talking about just clothes) and hopefully gets accepted for who and what we are.

Was I right to be scared? Would it have served me better if I stood my ground and was firm in my resolve to guard my heart and never let anyone in? It would be funny if it did (does) not hurt so much, but oh the irony of it all!

I imagine if I did not take the risk I would not have felt like I was pushed from the edge of a cliff in the middle of the night and I was falling down at the speed of light in pitch-black darkness while a thunderstorm was raging on (which I could have easily confused with the conflicting emotions inside of me). I would have avoided that abysmal and horrible place. Would I be the same person I am now if I have not experienced that?

For I also had some very good times. Things were great before the pandemic. Before he threw in the towel because he could not stand the separation and uncertainty. I felt like I was at the top of the world then, like everything is going to be all right, and as long as we have each other’s back, love will conquer all. Oh, the feeling of invincibility! It was heady! I look into his eyes and I just felt all warm (comfortable) and tingly (kilig) inside. It was so easy to be with him. He made me feel secure, he is very dependable and responsible. And since our first weekend together, he made plans for the next 50 years of our lives already. It was that kind of reckless (in my opinion anyway) and hopeful (his word, mine was silly) kind of love.

A year later after that meeting in Makati, Jera and I met again, and this time, she is the one who is engaged! I so do not want to be bitter after my broken engagement. Back where I was before, afraid of commitment is bad enough, but to actually feel resentful of other people’s happiness? I would not cross that line, I would maybe feel a little (or more) jealous (for I have been there, I know how it feels and it is so painful to lose it) but still wish other people’s relationship stands the test of time (for I have been there too, and I would not wish a heartache on my worst enemy).

If anything, one lesson I want to learn from that relationship is not to fear commitment. I am working on it. Someday I will trust again. And hopefully, someone who is reliable and will not really let me go. I mean, for real, not just another promise made to be broken.

Congratulations on your engagement, Jera! I wish you all the best in life! Thank you for all your help, I really appreciate it.

To those who have had their hearts broken, how do you trust again?

#ToABetterSarah #WhatTheWorldNeedsNow #ShowMeTheMoney #FromZeroToHero

Look how splendid the rings are!

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