I have always known people interest me. I could spend a day sitting down on a bench somewhere watching passersby. Every one has got a story to tell, and there’s just too much to learn! In fact, if I had not enjoyed my Physics class in high school so much and joined the IT trend that time, I could totally see myself taking up Psychology (after Accountancy, that is, I mean Mathematics is still my first love, but that is another story) in the university.
It takes a lifetime to get to know someone, and since change is inevitable, sometimes that is not even enough. It is not any different with ourselves. We, as human beings, evolve and change and grow and yes, sometimes we take a step forward and take 2 back. Aside from the natural phenomena of physical, mental, emotional and psychological growth, one’s unique experiences shape and mold one to be the special person that he or she is.
Before the pandemic, I could not say that I have taken the time to get to know myself, to understand my past and be intentionally aware of what my mistakes and successes alike taught me, to confidently say (at least at that particular time) that I am consciously aware of my strengths and weaknesses and how they could help me overcome my fears and achieve my dreams.
The word “I” embodies the greatest error and the deepest truth, depending on how it is used. In conventional usage, it is not only one of the most frequently used words in the language (together with the related words: “me,” “my,” “mine,” and “myself”) but also one of the most misleading. In normal everyday usage, “I” embodies the primordial error, a misperception of who you are, an illusory sense of identity. This is the ego. This illusory sense of self is what Albert Einstein, who had deep insights not only into the reality of space and time but also into human nature, referred to as “an optical illusion of consciousness.” That illusory self then becomes the basis for all further interpretations, or rather misinterpretations of reality, all thought processes, interactions, and relationships. Your reality becomes a reflection of the original illusion.
The good news is: If you can recognize illusion as illusion, it dissolves. The recognition od illusion is also its ending. Its survival depends on your mistaking it for reality. In the seeing of who you are not, the reality of who you are emerges by itself.Eckhart Tolle – A New Earth
More than the pandemic, what triggered my self examination was really the break up. I felt so lost, it was like I did not know myself anymore. I knew I was lonely then, so my first impulse was to find the meaning of happiness, at least something that I could relate to. On hindsight, I am not saying it was not right, but now I think it would have been better for me to get re-acquainted with myself first. It was not like I did not know myself back then. But it sure is different when we start to dig deeper and probe further into the inner recesses of our being.
As Carl Jung says, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.” It has been over a year already, and I did understand a lot about myself, and improved in the process. Every now and then, especially when I read and write, I discover a little something about me, whether a strong point I can build upon, a flaw I can work on, a desire I can aim for or a fear I can learn to overcome or live with.
I love the idea that I am becoming more and more aware of who I am, and not. And every chance I get, I try to incorporate what I have read into my life. To be a better mother, daughter, sister, friend, financial advisor, real estate broker, and generally a better person.
Can you say you really know yourself? It is fun! I encourage you to get to know yourself better, for like me, you might just find that the person in the mirror is such a lovely human being!
#ToABetterSarah #RaisingSophia #FindingSarah #FromZeroToHero