I know it only takes a moment to change one’s life drastically. Still… it makes me wonder if more than one major decision, it is the little minor ones (some seemingly inconsequential at the time it was made) that actually alter our lives.
Three years ago, I decided to get a little adventurous and agreed to meet a stranger who shares a lot of my values and interests. I remember around this time, I was drinking a bit with a dear cousin to supposedly calm my nerves (not the nervous what-if-I-suddenly-find-myself-robbed-and-thrown-on-the-river kind, but the stop-fidgeting-and-get-those-butterflies-in-your-stomach-under-control kind) and stop counting the minutes before his plane lands!
On hindsight, that one harmless (or so it seemed at that moment) decision was only the beginning of a series of more little ones that definitely changed who I am today. After that, I decided to let my guard down and see where our encounter would lead us to. Then I eventually decided to trust him and allow myself to love another human being with all that I am. Finally, I decided to give ourselves a chance and promised to spend the rest of our lives together.
Unfortunately, just when I thought I found my prince and a happy ending, I found myself worse off than when we first met and I had to make yet another decision (by far the toughest one) to let him go (or die trying, whichever comes first).
In a span of three years, I have experienced enough highs and lows to last me a lifetime. It would be nice if I get to feel ridiculously giddy just to see a person smile at me after waiting for him at the airport. It would be nice if I get to wake up genuinely contented next to a person I know who has got my back.
Those short three years taught me however, that if I want all those things again, I should be prepared to feel unbelievably despondent at the thought that someone who was once like a part of me is a stranger again. I should be prepared to wake up alone horribly terrified of what the future brings.
Is there a shortcut?