My eyes are feeling a lot better now, no more gourd, and barely painful and watery. Since yesterday however, Sophia and I has avoided eye contact to lessen the chance of infecting hers. We’re both sad about it, and we miss our daily morning and night affirmations.
Tonight we may not have looked each other in the eyes and said we love ourselves and each other, but we did cuddle. We call it hugdle (hug + cuddle, just like how smiggle is smile + giggle) and we do it several times a day. We also have a song for it “hugdle away, hugdle hugdle, hugdle away, hugdle hugdle, till the very next bum, bum, bum, bum, bum” to the tune of the duck song.
Sophia: I love you, mommy. Even when you’re dead, you’ll always be my mommy.
Mommy: I love you too, baby. Yes, just like Lily Potter (we just finished book 1) I hope you will still feel my love for you even when I’m gone.
S: I will, mommy.
M: I am so grateful I have a daughter like you, Sophia.
S: what will it be like if you don’t have a daughter?
M: it will be so different and I’ll be lonely.
S: why did you have a baby?
M: because I want someone to love and raise!
S: and it’s me?
M: yes, and I am so lucky you are my daughter!
S: thank you, mommy. Thank you for having me. (Then she started to cry)
She apologized for being a crybaby, and I told her it’s fine, I am one too, a crymommy. She said she has not seen me cry in a while. I told her I just don’t let her see. In fact, I just cried this afternoon. She asked why, and I truthfully said, I miss your Tito.
S: now I am even more sad, mommy. I’m sorry.
I tried to smile (with my eyes closed since I don’t want hers to get infected) and told her I will be fine. When things get tough, I just try to remember how lucky I am I have a daughter like Sophia.
Who do you miss?
#ToABetterSarah #RaisingSophia #WhatTheWorldNeedsNow