I would like to springboard on an article I wrote last June. I could not make a better introduction about Sophia’s father. Today he turns 37. In the spirit of cultivating positive associations (despite his absense and seemingly lack of interest in his daughter) I asked her if she would like to call him. He did not pick up.
While prepping for bed one night last month, she suddenly started talking about him. She was excited for her birthday, and she asked when his is. I told her on the 10th of January, same month as hers. Even if she does not explicitly express (that is to say, she did and asked) her wish to live together and be a complete family, I could feel it. Growing up without her other parent is taking its toll on her.
I am sorry, Anak. There is nothing I can do to change the past. However, the future is different. I promise I will find a good stepfather for you, like my ex-fiance, whom you fondly calls your ex-stepfather. I do correct you everytime you say this, but like I always point out to you, he may not have been any kind of a father to you on paper, but he sure did treat you like his own.
I swear, my child, before I even consider having dinner with another man, I will make sure he has got what it takes to be my partner not just in life, but especially in raising you well.
Someday, maybe we will understand why your father does not even wish you a merry Christmas, a happy new year, a happy birthday and all, but for now, let us give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he does not do it to hurt you. Please do not hate him. It would be very painful for me to see you harbor ill-feelings towards the man who should be your (like all little girls to their fathers) hero and first love. I will do my best so you feel completely and unconditionally loved. And may you grow up to be a compassionate young woman. If you get the chance, always be the bigger person. Always choose kindness.
To my ex-boyfriend, whom I am forever indebted for the best gift I have ever been fortunate to receive, I wish you a happy birthday, health and peace. Please do not wait until it is too late to develop a relationship with your wonderful soon eight year old daughter.