As I watch my eight year old daughter blow the candles on her birthday cake and make a wish, I made one for her as well. I am three decades older than she is and my life has been boring at times (especially during the pandemic) but would still make for an interesting book at least. I look back and I wonder what one thing would have made all the difference.
I am not so certain now, but I suppose like other girls who grew up with Disney princesses, I dreamt of handsome princes, too. Just, the older I got, I became more in tune with reality. So much so that in my mid twenties, I gave up on a knight in shining armor and wished for a precious little bundle of joy instead. I suppose the saying “be careful what you wish for” has never been more palpable. Of course I do not regret having my daughter! On the contrary, she’s the single most important person in my life right now. Like I always tell her, I am so grateful I have her.
I am aware of the fact that there is no use going down this road again, but in my next life (if reincarnation is real), I hope I meet a kind and honest boy in high school and have at least 3 children with him. I know it is not as simple as that, and even the most harmonious marriage must have its share of disappointments and frustrations and arguments, but I definitely want to have an early start and experience how it’s like to have a 50 year anniversary (the only way I could still have this is if I live to be 88 years old and by the rate I’m going, chances are high that a few more years probably).
It is not all about love, there are other things that make life worthwhile, but for sure, it is an important part. Yes, there is a certain kind of high in having savings in the bank (not anymore) and investment properties (which are more of liabilities now than anything really) for the future, but without someone to share it with, right?
Unluckily, I realized this later (than sooner). Or maybe it was just the right timing. Was a bit behind, but someone has shown me what it is like to be in a mature, loving and mutually beneficial relationship, the kind that makes one want to be a better person.
My darling daughter, I hope with all my heart that you are more fortunate when it comes to men. Maybe it does not have to be the all-consuming love, it could be a comfortable one. When you are older, I hope you trust me enough to confide in (and listen to) me. I will try my best not to meddle in an unhealthy way, but I am sure I have got some valuable advise for you.
Yes, you will make your own way and make mistakes and get hurt in the process, I cannot shield you from any of those, nor do I desire to (I say this now, but the challenges will make you stronger and the pain will make you appreciate the good times more). My fervent wish for you (and myself) is that throughout your journey (and the rest of mine), you have someone (aside from your mother) who has always got your back (I do, but I am afraid I will not be around forever, at least 50 more years, eh?).