Written May 5, 2021:
“I have to warn you against turning to an overly cerebral approach to dating: consciously thinking about your decision making is perhaps even more dangerous than not thinking at all. Some people, when faced with a tough decision, decide to sit down and write out a list of all the pros and cons so that we can make an informed choice. I’m here to tell you that this is a disastrously bad idea and likely to lead to worse decisions, especially if the subject we are examining is difficult to articulate.
We can go wrong in all sorts of ways. If someone fits the profile we think we are supposed to love, we may ignore how we actually feel. If our feelings conflict with some larger belief that we have (I could never love a smoker) or that the culture fosters (love should feel like X), we are likely to ignore our feelings and cling to the belief. All of this is especially true for women, who are more likely than men to spend time analyzing their relationships.”
I am so guilty of making lists and overthinking. Even before I go out with someone, I already have a hundred reasons why it would not work. Then why do I even bother!? (I just realized this now, and seriously, how crazy am I?!) Anyway, I also have a list (not a short one) of what I want in a partner and a relationship. I remember that one time I thought someone was a little older than me, and I told myself, what’s the harm, he’s halfway across the world anyway? Then 11 days later, bam! I was at the airport picking him up. And the rest, like they say, is history.
Needless to say, it did not work out and ironically, the reason was not in the list. I suppose I need to up my ante and include things like pandemic and migrating to Mars and apocalypse. Seriously though, there are some entries that I would like to think is non-negotiable, but then if I meet someone and he doesn’t tick all the boxes, but I am attracted to him and we connect and laugh together (mostly thanks to me prolly, you’re welcome. Lol) and he’s kind and sweet, do I just ignore them? Or do I just burn my list down and for once, not think?
I suppose it’s just plain stupid to not think at all. But where does one draw the line?
PS. It takes more than a dozen frogs. 😢