Written April 7, 2021:
“You must go on,
I can’t go on,
I’ll go on.
Psychologist Martin Seligman found that three P’s can stunt recovery: personalization – the belief that we are at fault “It’s my fault this is awful”; pervasiveness – the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life “My whole life is awful”; and permanence – the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever “It’s always going to be awful.”
Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. It comes from gratitude for what’s good in our lives and from leaning in to the suck. It comes from analyzing how we process grief and from simply accepting that grief. Sometimes we have less control than we think. Other times we have more.
I learned that when life pulls you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. When option a is not available, let’s just kick the shit out of option b. Life is never perfect. We all live some form of Option B.”
It’s not my fault that we got separated, having a broken engagement will not affect all areas of my life, and soon I will find joy again. Option A is obviously living happily ever after with my prince charming in a safer country. But since that went down the drain, I have a choice. Do I let the 3 P’s run my life? Or do I take this opportunity to grow as a person, fight for a better life and hope for an even better future? Option b is clearly the better choice.
There are (and will always be) times when I whine and think, who needs strength? I just want things back the way they were. I will acknowledge these thoughts but will consciously will myself to breathe again, and never look back.
What is your Option B that you unwillingly (and unwittingly) had to face?
PS. In this photo, I wear a 20+ year old shirt my mother found in the closet and my 100 megawatt smile, kicking the shit out of Option B.
Update: after a year and a half, I think I can bravely say that I have completely accepted the fact that my option A is, in fact, no longer an option. That is, my old first choice. I am hopeful pretty soon I will have a shot at a new (and better) option A.