Written February 10, 2021:
Misconception #2. Dependency is love.
“When you require another individual for your survival, you are a parasite on that individual. There is no choice, no freedom involved in your relationship. It is a matter of necessity rather than love. Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.”
That is exactly what I told him when he said he could not see how our relationship could go on and that I would survive and yada yada yada. I told him, “I could definitely live without you, but I do not want to.” I am proud. I work hard so I do not have to depend on anyone. This is not to say I do not have “dependency needs or feelings – the desire to be babied, to be nurtured without effort on our parts, to be cared for by persons stronger than us who have our interests at heart.”
Admittedly, no matter how strong and independent I am, there are times when I would not mind if someone would just take over for even a day. Yes, I am very capable, but I get tired, too. There are even times I would wonder what it would feel like if I was a kept woman, but I could not imagine myself being at peace without earning my keep really, and I would rather work than keep the house.
If I was not dependent on him, and him on me (after all he moved on relatively quickly, I hate that!) then we did not have this problem at all. Moreover, we also fell in love but made the conscious decision to genuinely love each other. Seriously, what went wrong? Is it really the separation and uncertainty? Or maybe our love was just not as strong as I believed it was?
Like what Claudine asked Piolo, “Mahal mo ba ako dahil kailangan mo ako, o kailangan mo ako kaya mahal mo ako?” (“Do you love me because you need me, or do you need me because you love me?”) Is there even a right or wrong answer to this?
PS. Photo taken last Oct 2018 when we took a road trip from Singapore-Malaysia-Singapore. I chose this photo because if I would be dependent on someone for something, it would be for my inability to drive. I distinctly remember telling him, you could take me anywhere, but it would be better for both of us if we live somewhere I do not need to learn how to drive. Main reason is my blindness. I used to wear glasses then tried contact lenses, I don’t like them. He offered to pay for my lasik surgery and I said no. WTH was I thinking?!
Update: I still do not drive, and looking for a new lasik surgery sponsor.