Written May 7, 2021:
How Has Feminism Affected Dating For Women?
“Our culture has changed in ways that, looked at from the standpoint of dating, is an ongoing disaster for women. Feminism as a social and political movement conflicts with some of the most basic and deep drives of evolution.
- Why prudish is better than slutty. By most accounts, feminism has made real strides in the area of sex. And if the movement hasn’t entirely knocked down boardroom doors, it has certainly done so with bedroom doors. Despite women’s sexual liberation, though, the double standard persists.” I have always found it unfair how men who sleeps around are considered studs, while women who do are called sluts. It is very interesting to note the possible underlying explanation to this, and that is since on an evolution (procreation) point of view, women (with their eggs) are supposed to hold the upper hand and if she’s not choosy in selecting a mate, it gives out the message that she is unable to secure a long term mate and has decided to settle for whatever short term relationship she can get. How does a woman draw the line between being slutty and just having a healthy sexual appetite? Because I know men are turned off by prudes as much as sluts.
- “How women can be too successful for their own good. According to evolutionary psychologists women look both for good genes and good resources when selecting a mate. In our postfeminist world, though, more and more women are successfully pursuing high-powered careers and achieving economic success.” Does it really matter who brings home the bacon? Are women supposed to downplay their achievements in order to be more desirable to men? Personally I would prefer a partner who is more successful than I am, but as long as he is doing relatively well, is it really more important than say, kindness?
- “Men don’t make passes at women who wear glasses. Education for women has also been a mixed blessing when it comes to dating. The more education a woman has, the older she is when she marries. Men tend to marry younger women, so the older the woman gets, the smaller her dating pool becomes. In addition, education shrinks a woman’s dating pool because men also tend to marry women with less education than they themselves have. Finally, intelligence itself appears to be a hindrance for women looking to marry.” If I knew this before, I definitely would not have bothered getting a double degree in college! Humility aside, when someone compliments me on my intelligence, I would jokingly say, “I am a freaking genius, people just notice my charm first.” I may not be aware consciously, but maybe I am downplaying my intellect exactly not to turn off men.
- “It’s all in the numbers. One key element is out of the control of men, women, culture, or evolution – demographics. Because, to some extent, it is all a question of numbers, and when you tally up the latest population figures, what you discover is that the odds are currently stacked against women when it comes to dating.” Okay, so now I need to add one more criterion when looking for a country to migrate to, I need to move to a place where there are more men than women. I need to check Switzerland, a neutral country. Lol
- “The consolations of singleness – at least for women. Even if demographics and our culture are working against you, the latest science reveals that it is men who should be far more worried about finding the right partner. Not getting married is worse for a man than heart disease. While heart disease will shorten a man’s life by a little under six years, not being married will shorten it by almost a decade.” I would like to say hah smugly, but then, for those who are single (and not young anymore) and want to be in a long term relationship, this is no consolation really. For even if men should be more worried about getting hitched, the fact remains that we are still alone.
It kind of makes me wonder if feminism is the way to go. If a woman is not planning to get married anyway, then good for her! It is just sad how the successful, intelligent and well educated ones who are have bleaker prospects than their less successful, less intelligent and less educated counterparts. Do women really have to choose? I sure hope I can have both someday.
PS. So many insights on this book. Second time I am reading this. One of the many reasons I love reading is the ideas I get out of it. And somehow, I understand myself a little bit better, my decisions and my actions, and it helps me how to be more mindful and careful how to react to what happens in my life.
Update: I have come to terms with the fact that in the end, I would want to be with someone who is kind, funny and loving than successful (career-wise as measured by our materialistic society’s standards), intelligent and (more) educated (than me). Not to say that a man cannot be all of these, but if I have to choose… because being alone is certainly not for me.