If it’s not a headboard, it’s just not worth it.Rachel Green
I remember countless times love kept me up all night for all the right (and pleasurable) reasons. The kind that leaves a silly grin on your face and makes your skin glows. The kind that connects you to another human being not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically. On a whole new level, really.
Having experienced probably the deepest possible connection there is, and losing it, my sleepless nights started to involve all sorts of negative thoughts and emotions that make me want to wish that I have never, in fact, learned how it felt like to be completely one with him. Before him, I have never had these longings, the kind that will never be satisfied with a ons or a casual relationship. What is funny though is that, unlike before, I have never been this afraid to try. Because I know I will not be able to survive another brutal heartbreak.
I suppose it all comes down to expectations. As long as I do not set myself up for disappointment, then all good right? The can’t eat can’t sleep butterflies in my stomach kind of love is overrated anyway. I have had that and it did not work out. Same with dating brainiacs, look where it got me. I guess it is time for me to stop stereotyping and just start going with the flow. Just, live.
For now when I go to bed at night, I cannot help but wonder whether I am better off being alone, or put myself out there and risk it all again.