Written May 9, 2021:
There are so many approaches to motherhood, and I believe there is no one right way. Each mother tries to be the best she can be, and I suppose that is all one can really do. I have read lots of books on the subject. And if anything, it just got more confusing. One thing I have learned though, is that generally, the fruit really does not fall far from the tree. My daughter has been a constant reminder for me to be the best version of myself. For whether I like it or not, for better or for worse, she is a lot like me.
Not until I became a mother myself did I understand the meaning of unconditional love. I do not know how to put into words how it feels like. But like what I tell Sophia every night when we go to sleep, I love her, always and forever.
Being a mother is not easy. And more so for single ones like me. To all the struggling mothers who are at their wits’ end, desperately trying to keep things together, you are not alone. Everyday, I worry (although now more unconsciously, I think I have gotten so used to it already) that I may not be raising my child well. I could say I am an insecure mother, and I embrace that. I suppose it is better that way, then I do not let my guard down and be complacent in my ways.
To my darling Sophia, I am sorry for all of my shortcomings. I hope someday when you are older, you will understand me. It has been such a pleasure to be your mother. I would like to thank you for coming into my life. You have made me want to be a better person. I promise you I have got your back, always. Lately you have been telling me that I am the best mother for you. Then you would add that I may not be the best mother for other kids but I am for you in your heart. You don’t know how much that means to me. Spoken like my true daughter, indeed! I could not be prouder! Being a mother is not a contest, my child. Every one is trying their best, and it is difficult to compare and judge because we don’t know where they are coming from. Always try to put yourself in their shoes, that is empathy, sweetheart.
To my mother Celeste, we may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but I want you to know that I love you and in some ways, I will always be your baby daughter, albeit a feisty and argumentative one. Thank you, Mommy! You have been a big influence in my life. I appreciate everything that you have done for our family.
To my grandmother, aunts, sisters in law, mommy friends and all the mothers out there, today we celebrate us! Let us not be too hard on ourselves! We all rock!
PS. Photo taken Nov 2018.