Would You Rather Have Sex Or Make Love?

Is there really a difference between having sex and making love? Three years ago, I would have scoffed at the mere mention of making love. Like, literally, what does it really mean? Google defines love as “an intense feeling of deep affection”. Does getting naked with someone and having sexual intercourse make an intense feeling of deep affection? I certainly do not think so. And if that is true, then good luck to the people who work in the sex industry.

I have been invited by a good friend Diane to watch a virtual play she and her husband stars in. It is a story of two friends who are forced to stay in the same room for a day. And so to pass time, they played a little game called twenty questions (the play’s title) to get to know each other. Each one gets to ask the other 10 questions and are not allowed to refuse, repeat and lie.

Funny how this sounds like an English paper. And the fact that Diane is a teacher and I fondly call her Madam (more so as not to confuse her with our other friend with the same name) just makes it more realistic. Kudos to the superb acting and excellent show. I suddenly miss you and our crazy days! So anyway…

I will not go into very specific details as, well, this is public and my daughter is going to read this someday, but I could relate to Yumi. She is easy going and enjoys life and plays around. Just for the record, I have never had two boyfriends at the same time (and oh no, no abortion), it is her adventurous nature my younger self (and to be honest, hopefully I can have a little again in the future) can connect with.

Near the end of the show, she divulged that she tried to get into a serious relationship. And by that, she meant to withhold sex, which I do not agree with. Just because a woman enjoys her sexuality does not mean she cannot be serious with a man. On the contrary, sex is an important part of a relationship, and when one finds someone who is comfortable to be with and at the same time makes your heart skip a beat with a mere smile, how great is that, right?

It is so great, indeed! Once, a friend told me I am lucky to have experienced the kind of love she only get a glimpse of in Korean dramas (she belongs to the no boyfriend since birth club). I totally agreed with her, and I will always cherish the memories. I feel a lot better now, after almost a year, but I have yet to say I do not feel anything when he would suddenly pop into my mind, or I accidentally (yeah right, not surprisingly since I have not deleted anything at all) see a photo of him or us, or he occasionally visit me in my dreams (or more like nightmares).

I would like to think (and hope) I can have that again. It was unexpected, a serious relationship was the last thing on my mind then. But I fell in love at first sight, and I thought it was merely an infatuation, nothing more than physical attraction. The more time we spent together however, I was more and more convinced that it was the Real Thing, that he is My One, the person I will be with for the rest of my life (I could not have been more wrong eh?). I am glad I was given the chance not only to experience it, but to let him know and show him. To tell him that he was the first man I truly loved and have ever made love with.

I would tell my younger self that yes, there is a difference between having sex and making love, and that is the emotions attached to the physical act. Yes, it is possible to have sex with someone one does not love, heck, even someone one does not like. But like Yumi said,

Jigs: If you could be something else, what would you be?
Yumi: I don’t know … Maybe a violin… Yeah. Violin maybe.
J: Why?
Y: I always saw the relationship of a violin and its player as very intimate. When the violinist play, what I see and hear is that he strokes the soul of the instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul of the player. It is like they are making love. Right? Very sexy, very intimate, very sublime. Do you agree? Both are sincere with each other. Because if they are not, there will be no music. The violin surrenders her body to the player, her whole body and her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Compared to the sound of the other instruments, the sound of a violin is like that of a naked woman. A naked woman in surrender. I want to be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I want to make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love.

Three years ago, if someone asked me what I would rather be if I could be something else, I would have said a pig (for crying out loud, their orgasms last for 30 minutes). But now, I want to experience the sound of love again, I want to be a violin. I want someone to look past through my body and see my soul. I want to surrender to that kind of love again. I want someone who will not only touch my physical body, but more importantly, penetrate my soul.

Yes, I do want passion in my future. The all consuming I must have you now kind. But more than that, I want to make love, too. The wonderful earth shattering kind. What I would not give to experience that kind of love again. And hopefully, this time, it will last longer, like forever maybe…

If you could ask someone just one question, to get to know him or her a little better, what would you ask?

#ToABetterSarah #WhatTheWorldNeedsNow #LoveHopeFaith #FromZeroToHero