Would You Rather Marry Someone Friendly Or Aloof?

This is the last installment of my review of the show “Love (ft. Marriage and Divorce)”, unless I do another run for Season 2 or other supporting characters. Among the three adulterers (excuse the word), Shin Yu-sin, the dashing doctor (in my opinion at least) was the least likely to cheat. His wife Sa Pi-young takes care of herself (unlike Lee Si-eun), the whole family and keeps the house well (unlike Boo Hye-rung).

Moreover, among the three rascals (I really meant to type a**h****) he also have (for me at least) the best relations with his wife. They are sweet and caring (unlike Park Hae-ryun and Si-eun), respectful and understanding (unlike Pan Sa-hyeon and Hye-rung https://toabettersarahraisingsophia.wordpress.com/2021/07/19/would-you-rather-marry-someone-older-or-younger/ ) towards each other. So what went wrong?

(Oh this paragraph is just a bit of a segue. At first, I was a little bit freaked that they included a sub story about him and his stepmother. I could just imagine Sigmund Freud happily turning somewhere in his grave. I hope the producers do not explore this storyline further.)

Of course, it is a younger and more attractive woman, A Mi, an aspiring model / actress! I would like to think that his intentions in the beginning of their acquaintance is purely platonic, then again I remember the scene where she was chewing an apply soundlessly and he was looking at her lips and throat etc, so maybe not. If I have not read the synopsis, I would have thought that Yu-sin is the only husband in the show who is able to stay loyal to his wife.

It’s not just that men have a much greater willingness to have sex or that they seek a much wider variety of sexual partners. Their minds are also biased to perceive sexual interest from women when there may in fact be none. In a number of studies, men consistently interpreted actions on the part of women (such as smiling) as an indication of sexual interest. You can find this quick trigger interpretation even in mundane encounters.

With this in mind, women should keep a wary eye on their male friends. Remember the debate from When Harry Met Sally about whether or not men and women could be friends? Well, science has likely found an answer – they can’t. Or at least men can’t. According to the work of evolutionary psychologist April Bleske, men are twice as sexually attracted to their opposite-sex friends as women, and they consider potential sexual encounters with opposite-sex friends as 100 percent more beneficial. They also overestimate how attracted their female friends are to them. Again, this bias makes perfect sense from a Darwinian perspective. The male brain is not designed to maximize mating opportunities. It’s in the man’s evolutionary self-interest to see more sexual interest than may actually be there. The downside is only social embarrassment. The upside is the possibility of another opportunity to pass along his genes. In this case, the male bias is not a design flaw but a distinct advantage. In fact, the more intelligent the man, the more likely he is to exhibit what one researcher has called the “she wants me” bias. In one study, men were asked to predict how women would respond to a personal ad soliciting no-strings-attached sex. The most intelligent men wildly overestimated how interested women would be. Revealing again how women are wired in fundamentally different ways than men, the most intelligent women show a different sort of bias – they assume that a man will be far more distressed by a partner’s sexual affair than is actually the case.

Andrew Trees – Decoding Love

We have established Yu-sin’s attraction to A Mi from the start, and having left Korea at age 4, the young aspiring commercial model was looking for a friend. Given the doctor’s happy marriage, I was extremely surprised that he succumbed to temptation easily. Is it really not possible for a man and a woman to have a platonic friendship? With the way he flatter his wife and tells her how she is the most beautiful woman and if he could marry three times in his next lifetime it would be to Pi-young, his wife and Ji-a’s mother, one would think that he is very happy and contented with his life (and wife). Was he just acting? Or was he just too weak to fight his growing fondness of a younger, more attractive woman? Or was he just being overly friendly, with some side benefits?

Was Pi-young at fault too, for being too trusting? Or maybe not at fault, but could she have prevented her husband’s infedility somehow, by asking a little bit more about where he was going and who he was with? Men like her husband are the most dangerous ones. They look women in the eyes with a smile and lavish them with flatteries and compliments after coming home straight from their other women.

I know that I have a flirty personality. Being a great conversationalist, coupled with my quick wit, people often misunderstand me. It comes very naturally to me, sometimes I am seriously surprised when that happens. I am genuinely interested to get to know people and other people take that the wrong way. Although I am as likely to make friends with women as much as men, I do admit I do get carried away at times, too. Where does one draw the line between being friendly and being flirty? Now that I am aware of the “she wants me” bias, do I just avoid being overly friendly with men, especially the married ones?

Considering the nature of my job, I am naturally drawn to people who are engaging and easy to approach and friendly. I used to think that when it comes to my better half, I would prefer someone who is well connected and can hold his end of the conversation. All else being equal, would I be better off with someone who is aloof? I know these various theories and statistics are just that, and it is not in set in stone. But of course, I would still choose to play with (and not against) the odds.

When I get married, how do I not get irrational (aka paranoid) when it comes to my husband and his women friends, like I have always been with my ex boyfriends? Is there even a difference?

#ToABetterSarah #WhatTheWorldNeedsNow #FromZeroToHero

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